“No one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone. That is the true experience of freedom:
having the most important thing in the world without owning it.”
– Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes
Some would say the first six months of a relationship are the best. We laugh a lot, we do things on a whim, we “fall in love” and then WHAM. Things change.
Suddenly the relationship gets real. Partners discover their need to return to self where they rekindle time for personal interest.
So how does one keep the fires burning when the relationship turns real?
Ernest Hemingway said “the most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving too much, and forgetting that you are special too”. To keep the home fires burning it is important to understand that everyone cultivates stability in different ways. The extrovert is nourished through social interaction while the introvert develops through reading and quiet time. Both denote personal needs, but in opposite directions. Embracing diversity is crucial to creating a balanced relationship. Defining what is special to you and what is special for your partner feeds both the individual and the couple. Relationships are about support for each other. Don’t try to control. Tune in to what is special for yourself and your partner. Work to meet each other’s needs while remaining true to you.