“No one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone. That is the true experience of freedom:
having the most important thing in the world without owning it.”
– Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes
Some would say the first six months of a relationship are the best. We laugh a lot, we do things on a whim, we “fall in love” and then WHAM. Things change.
Suddenly the relationship gets real. Partners discover their need to return to self where they rekindle time for personal interest.
So how does one keep the fires burning when the relationship turns real?
How does one keep the fires burning when a relationship turns real?
Ernest Hemingway said “the most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving too much, and forgetting that you are special too”. To keep the home fires burning it is important to understand that everyone cultivates stability in different ways. The extrovert is nourished through social interaction while the introvert develops through reading and quiet time. Both denote personal needs, but in opposite directions. Embracing diversity is crucial to creating a balanced relationship. Defining what is special to you and what is special for your partner feeds both the individual and the couple. Relationships are about support for each other. Don’t try to control. Tune in to what is special for yourself and your partner. Work to meet each other’s needs while remaining true to you.
Spiritual relationship is far more precious than physical.
Physical relationship divorced from spiritual is body without soul.
– Mahatma Gandhi
Spirituality can be as multi-faceted as the human personality. So can relationships.
Grab a piece of paper and let’s go back in history. Describe/draw your version of a purely physical relationship. While it may have included great sex, it probably did not last. Now recall relationships where growth, respect and truth were stifled. Describe/draw your lesson from these relationships. List your desires for a new relationship as opposed to one lost in the past. How will you know if the next one is spiritual?
How do I Know I’m in a Spiritual Relationship?
Spiritual relationships allow people to grow in his or her own way and in their own time. While one person may be farther along in their journey, both are willing to assist the other in positive ways. Each person offers nourishment, as well as understanding. We all know growth can be painful at times.
Each of us has a right to love and to be loved. After all, love is the foundation of our soul, opening the energy centers of the heart where we feel connected to life. But some may trust the idea that love is not for them. Others may believe that love escapes them at every corner. Or, maybe you have stopped considering that your soul mate or Twin Flame truly exists. Love is available to everyone. The more we are willing to work on ourselves in relationship to others, the closer true love becomes.
Relationships take work. They require us to be vulnerable, to be open to change and communication, to be open to receiving and open to letting go of what no longer serves us. Two people living in harmony does not happen overnight, regardless of what the fairy tales say. Each relationship we enter into, whether for love or friendship teaches us something about ourselves. We have to look beneath the surface, and embrace the answers found in order for true love to enter.
Look Beneath the Surface
Back in the 70’s, Karen Carpenter sang a song entitled “I Need To Be In Love”. Perhaps one of the lines from her song hits home for you.
“I know I ask perfection in a quite imperfect world,
And fool enough to think that’s what I’ll find.”
“Friendship with oneself is all important, because, without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the World. “
– Eleanor Roosevelt
A new and healthy relationship begins with you. Many associate relationship with someone outside of themselves. Fairy Tales teach that life is about finding “Our Knight In Shining Armor”; only then can we live happily ever after. The other side of this is “we have to kiss a lot of toads before finding our knight”.
“We have to kiss a lot of toads before finding our knight”
Our last blog mentioned that each relationship is a part of you, each relationship teaches you something about yourself, and each relationship draws you closer to true happiness. Peace is found within, not without; know yourself at all levels.
You are the sum of all of your parts – your younger child, your rebellious teenager, and your adventurous adult. You are your own soul mate.