Why Can’t I Find Love?

Each of us has a right to love and to be loved. After all, love is the foundation of our soul, opening the energy centers of the heart where we feel connected to life.  But some may trust the idea that love is not for them.  Others may believe that love escapes them at every corner. Or, maybe you have stopped considering that your soul mate or Twin Flame truly exists. Love is available to everyone. The more we are willing to work on ourselves in relationship to others, the closer true love becomes.

Relationships take work.  They require us to be vulnerable, to be open to change and communication, to be open to receiving and open to letting go of what no longer serves us.  Two people living in harmony does not happen overnight, regardless of what the fairy tales say.  Each relationship we enter into, whether for love or friendship teaches us something about ourselves.  We have to look beneath the surface, and embrace the answers found in order for true love to enter.

Look Beneath the Surface
Look Beneath the Surface

Back in the 70’s, Karen Carpenter sang a song entitled “I Need To Be In Love”.  Perhaps one of the lines from her song hits home for you.

“I know I ask perfection in a quite imperfect world,

And fool enough to think that’s what I’ll find.”

So, what is holding you back from finding the true love of your life?  Let’s do a little self-observation to see why you might be stuck in the idea of a relationship rather than in a relationship itself.

  • Are your own standards too high? If so, then your standards for your partner may be even higher.  This could set the stage for failure rather than success.  While relationships are meant to help us grow, sometimes, growth is difficult.  When we truly like someone, we find that we have to be willing to change in ways that seem impossible at first. If we set the bar too high, well, no relationship will thrive.
  • Are you too independent? If so, when your mate comes along you may do one of two things.  First, you may find it difficult to receive.  Maybe you have been on your own so long that allowing someone to help feels uncomfortable.  Let go of some of you restrictions and allow negotiations to take place.  On the other hand, you may be so tired of going it alone that you demand more than the other is willing or able to give.  This is a dangerous place to be.  This puts you in a needy position and places a burden on the other. Sacrificing your own interest or demanding too much of the other is not a good combination.
  • Are you a controlling person? If so, then you may smother any partner that enters your life. There is always more than one way to accomplish something.  No one likes to be micro-managed at the office; the same applies to home.  Don’t smother, but do nurture and respect the other person and their ideas.
  • Does your inner child sometimes get the best of you? If so, then you may have to realize that it takes two to Tango. Everything will not go your way and will not always be on your timetable. Communicate your needs in a tone that is wholesome for both people, then work to understand that instant gratification is not always available.
  • Do you give too much away? If so, then you may find that you are insecure in expressing your needs.  Bruce Lipton shares many insights in his book “The Honeymoon Effect”.  The first 6 months of a relationship both people are willing to ignore their interest for the sake of the other.  After 6 months, people’s inner spirit suggests they require more time for their own interests. This is healthy.  Don’t give up all of the things you enjoy and do not require your partner to give up their interests for you. Work together to reserve time for yourself, as well as time together.

Relationships are about two people who lead independent and dependent lives simultaneously.  Finding this balance is necessary.  Understanding your own needs, as well as the needs of your partner, means that you are willing to share the load and do what is beneficial in order to thrive in any relationship you find yourself in.




One thought on “Why Can’t I Find Love?”

  1. You really are incredible and I love your show on TLC… I totally agree with you on the fact that true love is hard to find.

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